My Hair Is A Mess

I have been blessed with a fair amount of zeal. That is an understatement! 

I also, in a fun and carefree moment last spring cut all of my hair off... All of it off. And then the next month I went even shorter.....Holy Toledos, growing it out is awful. 

So back to the zeal, I often get so worked up. There is so much to get worked up about. Our country's imminent demise...or rather potential and probable and profitable and....Ok, this is not a political blog! I am extremely proud to be an American, what this nation was founded for and had the potential for is awesome. What we are today is so very far from that. Anyhow, my political leanings are easily backed with great zeal. As this trial with my ex-husband/former abuser looms I am FULL of zeal concerning the safety of my children and the life I want for them. FULL OF ZEAL. If I thought it would help to march from Texas to Washington DC I would start tonight. (Hmmmm that is a great idea....stay close, you might see me carrying a sign marching across America!) Forced interaction with a violent person just because they are related by blood is the most absurd idiotic and harmful idea anyone ever had. No one can tell me that they would like to be alone with a person they see almost murder someone else and be told its ok because someone will watch through the window at a visitation center. Yeah, that brings about great peace of mind. No one would force an adult to do this and yet everyday children all over the country are subjected to this violation of rights. AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!! My war cries are continual these days. Ha, yep I do have zeal. 

Ok, lets jump back to my hair for a moment. You know when you have a bad hair day and you scowl at yourself. Well I also have been doing a fair amount of that. I look like a chicken on a good day and my bad hair days....well they require starting over. The other day though I simply did not have time to start over. Half mohawk, half chicken hair and a whole lot of scowling I had to run for the door with the kids. And then I realized all the zeal I had felt was replaced by this scowling disgruntled chicken head. It had vanished in my scowling at my hair. So I stopped real quick and said, "Embrace it" and I did- even threw on my favorite sweater and Hollywood sunglasses. I might have looked a bit crazy that day but I knew what I was about. I know what I'm headed towards (holy that might be a long walk or fight or whatnot). But my hair is simply not going to get in the way of what I need to do. 

Dark Corner

He hurt me, badly in front of my children. He threatened to kill them, in front of them. He hurt my children emotionally, spiritually, physically and verbally.

No big story today, no details. The basic facts suffice.

It's time folks for us to say no to the violation of children's rights. But no matter what you are about, what you need to stand up for- don't let your Brave get moved out of the way due to your hair. It can't be as bad as my chicken/mohawk hair. Embrace who you are. Wear who you are and be Brave! Be BRAVE!!!!

If you are being hurt please please get help. It will not get better. Do not stay hoping for your fairytale to start. Get help, be smart. If you can plan your escape- do that, but if you can't- just get out. Take pictures. Go to the police. No matter how scary get help. You can live!

-abigail 

Beautiful Motherhood

Every new mom is born just as their first child enters into the world. It is beautiful- the perfect picture of beauty. However, almost immediately a new mom is captured by an inability or the fear of the inevitable let down. The precious new baby, held so carefully, loved more absolutely than ever imagined creates in us the ability to fail. And to fail this new baby, our child- well it would be an epic fail. Welcome to motherhood. In my line of work I do a lot of reassuring to new moms. They are worried about breast feeding verses bottle feeding, worried they are "bad" moms for wanting sleep, worried for all the unknowns and possibilities good and bad. To be a mom is to be handed a task that appears to be a pass or fail. It appears to be a life long test of how "good" we are. 
The past two weeks I've watched myself fail epically in another area of my life. A fail that took a lot of my attention, a lot of my emotion and a lot of my logical thinking to step out of. And in the big scheme of my life it probably isn't epic though it has altered my opinions and thoughts and compassions.... Eh, enough on that though- sometimes too much introspection is just... too much. BUT, my point is that no other "fail" or "flop" or "flounder" holds as much weight for a woman as the fear of failing her children. My big fail this past week, I finally just breathed and thought- well it isn't the end of the world. It's ok. I have failed in far greater ways. I have failed my children in the past. That is my epic fail. And while I can remember years of failure I also know that now my children are in a way my greatest work. More time, effort and thought is put into my children than anything else I do. With research I plan balanced meals, provide exercise, play and learning. I hold them, I rock them, I listen to hours of Lego and Minecraft monolog. I play dress up and bake. I am a mother. My children have my best and my worst but above all they have me. They are totally and completely stuck with me. So regardless of whether you have failed or whether you will- you are a mother. This is not a pass or fail, it is an all-in life. Let's be moms, let's excel, let's fail- not because we don't mean to but because we care. Because we give our children everything we have. That kind of mothering is as beautiful as the day they were born. If you are anything like me all this "fail" talk might terrify you, bother you or make you that you need to tell me I haven't failed. But a failure is just an attempt at our best that wasn't best. Life is our attempt, we cannot even hope to get out of this life unaffected by failure. And there is my cue to tell you to Be Brave. Be beautiful. Be a mother. 
Happy Mother's Day

If your Mother's Day involves fear, pain and any form of abuse please get help. There could be no better day to reach out and honor yourself. Honor your mother, she wouldn't want this for you. Honor your children if you have them, they hurt seeing you hurt. Honor yourself- you are worth more than you can imagine right now. Get help. 

Many blessings- abigail

And Mom, you've given your all for 32 years to me and I'm deeply honored. Happy Mother's Day!
Oh and that lovely baby is my youngest...She is just too cute to not claim!