Everyone and their puppy dog generally will have an opinion regarding your activities. Are you happy? Are you sad? Here is what they would do, here is what you should do. Add a past that includes domestic violence in the mix and it's amazing the advice you'll get handed. Some is well meaning, some is full of love and some is actually quite useful (though generally the most useful of advice comes when the other person doesn't realize they are giving advice, just words spoken that somehow finagle with something inside us and spur us on to a greater action or conclusion that we couldn't have arrived at ourselves...). Today I've been looking at the advice to appreciate and value where we have come from. Not necessarily digging up the past, just appreciating how far we've come. Blah blah blah blah. Sounds a bit like another platitude. But.... I made tuna last night for dinner. Tuna for dinner, on sourdough bread with barbecue chips. I made tuna fish sandwiches. And I wasn't afraid, I wasn't in trouble and no one accused me of not caring for my children. I gave them what I had, what I wanted, what they wanted and everyone was happy. Three years ago on a summer evening I had seen what was the consequences for thinking that tuna was ok for dinner- it wasn't pretty and I wore a turtleneck with long sleeves for a few days afterwards. So maybe there is something to seeing how far we've come. I wasn't triggered by remembering, I wasn't caught up in fear- I just smiled as I ate my sandwich. Thoughts like that bring a smile to my face. Thoughts like that make me remember I need to be grateful for today. Thoughts like that tell me it is worth hard moments to be Brave.
Dark Corner
There are over 200 Nigerian girls that have been kidnapped. Taken from their school at gunpoint. Can you imagine their dark corner? Can you imagine what is happening to them right now as you read this?
Everyone knows someone affected by violence. Just in the US alone one in four women are affected by domestic violence. Over 18% of women in the US have been through a completed or attempted rape. In 2006 78,000 cases of child sexual abuse were reported in the US.... reported numbers are thought to be 1/8th of what actually occurs.
We may share platitudes, we may love on each other and care for each other- but there is so much violence in our world. Generally my Dark Corner is just what has happened to me, awful yes- but I'm alive. I've come so far. I eat tuna for dinner. The Nigerian girls, the children in the US, the women being hurt or raped right now.... they have a future. They need a future. They need our help.
If you are being hurt please find help. -abigail
My boys have spent the last two days running around the house yelling "HULK SMASH" in the cutest little boy sort of way. I love boys. They are so squirmy, quietly almost secretly giggly (don't ever tell them I said that!) and tough. I love that my boys still come cry to me. That they still know they need comfort and care. I love that they aren't afraid of that. But you know what? My kids get angry sometimes and that as I'm sure you are guessing concerns me. How do we teach anger? "HULK SMASH"? We don't teach how to be angry. I didn't mean to give you the answer so very quickly (sorry!) but we do not teach how to be angry. Anger is depicted as shouting or hitting or a silent lack of response. We, as a whole are afraid of anger. But anger isn't bad- we all feel angry sometimes. Good grief, God feels angry sometimes. I get angry at my own journey and life sometimes and that is ok. I get angry at the one that caused so much hurt in my life, in my children's life. So I'm back to teaching the value of words. How words can express the strength of what we feel, how words can let others know how we feel and the enormity of that. Words can help us find our frustrations and address them. Words can remind us to breathe. Words can speak to the hidden fears that light up that anger. Life doesn't have to be "HULK SMASH" nor were we meant to be a people that stand quietly as horrible things occur. There isn't room for rage in our world- we don't need another pair of Hulk hands. I've been overwhelmed this week at the prevalence of violence. The reports on domestic violence have been popping up everywhere- almost everyday I've either been sent another report or seen another article citing statistics that turn my stomach. Or you can just turn on the local news. So what if it was you? What if it was your children being hurt or hurting someone else? What is your response then? The world waits until it requires a response- but we shouldn't. Be Brave. Don't wait until you see uncontrolled anger, don't wait until you or your children have to deal with someone that is angry. Address it now. Talk about violence, talk about anger. Talk about the Hulk. Talk about how to be angry. Be Brave the world needs you.
Dark Corner
I heard him coming. His steps were loud, he had shoes on.... bike shoes on. My eyes were wide, I was just making dinner. I was just making dinner. I was just... I was... As he came close I was already shaking my head and cowering he kicked me. I was on the floor as he pulled me by my hair to the other room, well almost. Around the corner he pulled me up and shoved me against the wall. I cried. Both of his hands were in my hair. His bike shoes kicking at my legs. It hurt. I could feel the anger and heat coming from him. He let me go only to backhand me into the wall again. My glasses flew off- just a drop of blood fell to the ground. I bent over, almost in a fetal position as he kicked me. He yelled how he couldn't even bike without my complaining ruining it. My inner voice screamed HOW????? How was anything I was doing causing this? And he continued kicking me. I began to scramble away. His foot met my throat. It hurt very badly, like the seeing stars and into tomorrow kind of pain. I heard him return downstairs. My body ached, I wanted to make myself feel better. Needed to look at the cut by my eye. The need to attend to the hurt was overwhelming. But I turned around to four little faces watching me. Four little faces without any expression that returned to watching their cartoon. And I froze.
The world needs you. Whether you are in a domestic violence situation or not, please know the world needs you. I'm not sure for what task, for what purpose or what your great and epic journey is. But the world needs you. Be Brave.
If you are being harmed, you have a life to lead. It is not one to waste in the clutches of someone with an uncontrolled anger problem. Get help. Be Brave! Be Brave, it will probably be the bravest thing you do but you can. Be careful and brave. abigail
This seems to be the outpour of myself looking at a bigger picture. My past is disturbing but it appears that our world is at a climax.... Its as if we are close to an epiphany after which the world will end. I am so very irritated with the people that seems to sit in complacency- and yes that is myself and yes, we all know the world is ending. Yes, we all know that people are suffering from the effects of wars, famine and violence- oh and of course over-eating and not taking care of our bodies.... Yes, we all know that the lions are going to die out- just like polar bears and all the sea life.... But Jesus is coming, the world wasn't created to last forever, of course its bound to happen. But were we supposed to ruin it? Are we going to get to live with the consequences of this planet that is hurting before He comes back? A friend of mine has been posting some very thought provoking articles lately, my favorite being this. After I read this I simply wanted to shake someone. WHAT DO I DO THEN? But that is the eternal question. What do we do? I know how to end domestic violence- awareness and training for people on how to be brave, moral and to have boundaries. This would end it. Women (and men and children) would or could stand up and say NO. And they wouldn't be silent and it would end. But if our planet's distress increases its possible that none of that will matter. If the lions all die and there are no plants left and I am surrounded by a desert with no food then.... Well Bravery will matter but my survival skills might matter even more.
My children and I held a discussion last night. What do we do if our world becomes a desert and there is no food or water. My eight year old son said, "Mom, we will save enough water now- do you want us to get in the car?" Insinuating that we go to the store to buy water to keep in our garage.... My six year old daughter said, "No, lets move to the Norway mountains and keep Lena's sheep." Hmmmm.... but Norway and the Arctic cannot support all the people that will attempt to get there... My five year old son said, "I'm a ninja." to which my eight year old added, "Oh, teach us to shoot guns!!!" (I'm leaving out my youngest daughters because their comments were scattered regarding dessert not deserts and princess castles!) But is that the answer? Am I too going to become a doomsday prep-er? How do I protect what is mine- because I'm sorry in the big scheme of things my children would have very short lives if it was up to just myself- I actually, (oh the Alaskan in me is dying of shame) don't know how to start a fire without a lighter and while I'm pretty good with my .38 I do not want to kill game in Houston with it .... (that is a joke- no big game in Houston...) And so I'm left with this. Be Brave, I'm sure what that means today, not sure what that will mean tomorrow. But I know for certain my children and I will face the future with eyes open and for God's sake if there is a way to further our future we sure will. Living a long Brave life is actually something I want for my kids.
Dark Corner
Violence happens. Stories of violence are full and long with elicit details of death and harm to people. I remember one night being strangled. It was particularly scary and humiliating and ...well it was terrifying as I thought that time might be the last time. His accusation was that I was complaining in my heart while... well we were in bed. My children were conceived not in love but in misery, hurt and pain. This is the first time I have put these words outside of where they have hidden, and I won't probably ever have need to say them again. I put them out for a reason today though: there are too many that know of pain like this- but our pain, though great is but a drop in the bucket. Humanity cries with the atrocities that we commit against ourselves. As horrible as I know were the actions against myself it is certainly not the worst humanity has inflicted upon another person.
Two more thoughts. One: WHAT DO I DO THEN? I cannot save the world. I can only be Brave and share courage. If you are being hurt make it stop by saying no. Do that by getting out any way you can. There is no wrong way to leave an abuser, the best is to put them behind bars, but any way you can preserve your life and leave them is good.
Two: WHAT DO I DO THEN? I cannot save the world. I cannot replant forests or provide new ice for the polar bears. What difference can I make in this world that is already dying and from the looks of things going to get pretty ugly before my kids are all out of high school? Well, I answered the first question- what are your thoughts on the second?
