Tuesday, August 19, 2014


Necessity sometimes pushes us. Pulls us. Demands things of us that we wouldn't otherwise consider. A good friend of mine commented on how his life was so different than he ever thought it would be. Another someone commented on a distinct unhappiness they were surprised at. And yet another friend recently spoke of how we are able sometimes to power through what is difficult and when it is over we marvel at how we managed. Necessity....life.....God.....children......money......There are lots of circumstances and winds that move our lives. Some we know and some we don't know. Some we choose and can see coming from far off and others change our lives in a second. Over the last couple of years I've often wondered if my life would stop changing; if I could somehow attain a lull or a peaceful calm where I could experience the joy of sameness. I think my wishing is almost a joke. Everyday seems to create something new. And as I look forward to....well even I'm not sure what I'm looking forward to anymore...but as I look forward regardless, I'm certain that I'm not bored. I'm certain that somehow everything will work out- it always manages too. I'm certain of change happening. I'm certain I'm living. Be brave friends no matter what necessity challenges. 

Dark Corner
He was outside of where I worked. Again. The next day he called to tell me I was being bad and complaining- that I was in trouble. Being tired from his late night anger the day before had not made the day easy. And now somehow from afar I was causing him to be angry at me. This was proving to be an exhausting week. It felt like peering through a pinhole. I couldn't see anything. I couldn't see how to fix the problem, I couldn't even imagine leaving him and his emotional ups and downs. I squinted, hoping to see something but all I saw was that he was angry again.... And again I went home.

Necessity once meant hiding warm clothes outside in the shed just in case we got thrown out of the house. It meant wearing hats at work to hide the places my hair was thin. And it pushed me to lie about how I got hurt. I hated when he lied to me, lied for me. But there were lies and ways of thinking imposed upon me, accepted by me as I wanted to please the one I loved. Accepted by me because I felt I didn't deserve what was given to me and wanted to see if tomorrow I could show him- that maybe then he would see I wasn't so bad. 
I hope you see in my words that this is no way to live. If you are being hurt please get help. If you know someone who is or might be getting hurt find a way to help. We are all people, which means we interact, we are creative, amazing, interesting and full of life. We can help each other. Let necessity push you to life. Let it push you toward change so that you can live BRAVE.